That is how I feel! I was pretty excited about moving to Austin, new life, new opportunities, more friends, lots of outdoor fun. And you know what? None of this! The past 2 months have been crappy...and I suppose that is to be expected. I am unable to find a job. I have had 3 interviews and well haven't heard anything promising from them. HR said they would help but I haven't seen much help from them! There is one week left before new teacher orientation starts, I know that isn't the end but I know it is crazy close. And I don't want to have to rush to get my classroom togather and not feel completely prepared to start the first day. I know God got us to Austin and has taken care of everything. He knows my hearts desire to teach....and I need to trust him. I do trust Him but I can't help but feel like a failure. Why can't I be a charmer and get jobs easily? Ugh, thats frustration number 1.

Number 2 - We can't find a church! Right or wrong I'm not sure...but I want to get involved in bible studies, meet some christian friends who are encouraging. Someone to talk to and hang out with. I want to get involved with the community. I NEED FRIENDS. I am going stir crazy. I am stuck at home usually on the couch watching TV while Keith is either running, working on school work, or something else. I am bored. I don't know what to do. I go to the gym but my love for it is not there. I feel I am not me anymore, I feel dazed and sad. I need to get out and have fun and laugh. Have girl time.
Its funny, well not really. In college I had a great girl friends. One great and selfish thing about them...they always compliemented me and told me the great things they saw in me. Then I took it for granted and now that we have grown apart I miss it. I miss it soo much. I look at myself and see only that bad, that fatness, the social akwardness, the ugliness, the laziness, the selfishness.

I feel down, I feel worthless, I feel like a failure. I know I can only go up from here I suppose. I am just ready to start moving that way...but I don't know how. I feel like I have no control over it. I think a job and a church would help but I don't have much say over that.

I know God is there, I pray constantly, read my bible, but I don't feel close to Him and I don't know how to fix it by myself.